I look like a fucking old Ken doll, y'all!

So I saw this add for some stuff called caboki. It's this powder that bonds to the tiniest hairs and fills in gaps and is supposed to make you not look like you have thinning hair. I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD WORK, but since you can try it for free, and shipping is only $6, why not. I figured it'd be an evening of fun, and I pay more than that to do stuff that isn't even that fun. Well, it arrived today, so I took some before and after pictures for you. The stuff is basically flocking. It looks... like flocking. Also, it doesn't match my hair color, which is fantastic! It's easy enough to use, but it doesn't stick, and it looks like crap. seriously, how are people getting this to stick to their heads? Like, I lightly pat it down (per directions), and it comes right off, yet it's supposed to somehow resist combing and even showers (as long as you don't shampoo)? No. So I'm definitely not going to be purchasing the full product, but I did have fun and a good laugh at at silly it looks, so it was totally worth the $6.

If you want a cheap evening of laughs, you can get your own caboki sample at caboki.com href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTdYyNRlA4A-GS0KXZX4HdqMODUG09FrPUiXWfCxohyphenhyphen9XgizVG_epME2qbzNF-UYEyht7bovzJjOGdxJBy3BWvB6e9l-W2YJ-nkhBZDUpklMrorkJGu2pWyJewT6H0KVc4-PydfWs2cJA/s1600/DSCF4070.JPG" imageanchor="1" >

Shoes

Oh my god. shoes.

I will admit that I used to not be a shoe guy. I used to have one maybe two pairs of shoes at a time, usually brown or blue (All my life I've had an inexplicable love for blue shoes). I was not a big fan of sneakers, though, especially white ones. Usually my shoes were simple slip-ons, and I've owned more than one pair of potato shoes in my life (You have one guess as to what they look like).

Then, I started working in shoe stores. I went from having two pairs of shoes to 8. I was an uncontrollable madman. Eight is far too many. You can only wear one pair at a time, right?

Eventually my pairs dwindled down as I started to realise I made a few bad shoe decisions... mostly from being surrounded by shoes all day. There's this odd effect that happens when you're around things every day... no matter how you may have originally felt for them, you will grow to love them. And it's usually not until you lose that job that you realise that you made a mistake. Oh well, live and learn.

My shoe collection has dwindled down to about 4 or 5 pairs, and I actually only wear one pair on a regular basis. But I've learned quite a bit about shoes in the process, and I now know a few things.

Don't get mid-ground shoes. Seriously. You're playing it safe. Do one of two things: get really simple shoes, or get more artsy shoes (but still try to keep simple in mind). I'm sure this makes no sense for you now, but let me share some shoes from my collection to give you an idea.

http://www.zappos.com/fratelli-2107s-navy-suede

These lovelies are the most recent addition to my arsenal. First off, they're not navy despite what the description and picture portray. They're more of a nice light grey-blue, which I like much better. This brand makes a lot of classic yet simple shoes at a pretty good price for nice leather shoes. They do take a little to break in, and you will want insoles because they are flat as fuck, but overall, they're pretty good. This is my new daily pair.

http://www.clarksusa.com/eng/product/jink/78145 I don't actually have this particular shoe, but the one I have is very similar to this, but you can't buy it anymore apparently (If you want to google Clarks Desert Kahn, that's my shoe). A good desert boot is a great alternative to sneakers. They're classy, people will stop you and tell you how they used to have a pair or their father or grandfather used to have a pair. That's a good sign. It's not going out of style any time soon. Pretty much any of the Clarks Originals line are a good timeless look. Another benefit of these shoes is the more beat up they get, the better they look. Clarks is also a good brand that's been around since the 1800s (sorry, I used to sell them). I put insoles in mine, but I do that for pretty much every shoe. The downside to these shoes is that crepe sole can get rather slippery on a wet floor. Because of that, I don't get as much wear as I'd like.

https://www.google.com/shopping/product/4102424124757895174?q=black%20and%20white%20wingtip%20shoes%20men&sa=X&ei=Wx4fUYXPKYXe8wSdkYHICA&ved=0CI0BEL8TMAE

Again, I don't own these shoes, but I have ones just like them. Now, although I advocate spending a little more on shoes, I still think over $300 is a bit much. If you want to, go for it. You're an adult, and it's your money. I generally spend about 60-80 dollars on shoes. Now, I used to spend $20 or less, and I'd be lucky if they last a year. I spend $80 then buy some polish (polishing may be another post, remind me), and they last for many many years making them well worth the price.

Now back to the black and white wingtips. I'm a big fan of wingtips in general, but I've been looking for years for a pair like this for an affordable price, and I finally found them at a store called Roadkill on Decatur St. in the French Quarter. Mine are by and Italian brand called Fuoco for $80. They're actually rather comfortable for dress shoes, and I'm unafraid to wear them as daily shoes. I did have to get a minor repair in the inside heel (because I never use a shoe horn, shame), but that was only a few dollars. Now I know some guys find these ugly, and they're not for everybody, that's for sure. But a pair of wingtips in any color should definitely be part of your collection.

Now, let me share an artsy crazy shoe that is still simple (what I was trying to get at before). http://origin.kaboodle.com/hi/img/c/0/0/147/8/AAAADA_kCtgAAAAAAUeOrg.jpg?v=1302676787000

I actually used to have this shoe. Now there is good and very very bad news. One, it's fucking awesome. Everybody loves this shoes. I'd get compliments day and night. It was also very comfortable, and I wore it all the time. Because of all the colors, it went with everything (I like to not have to put much thought into what goes with what). Also, if you didn't like that particular color combo, it came in about a dozen others. Now here comes the very very bad. This shoe retailed for about $225 (not the bad part yet), but since I work for them, I got it for free (oopsy). Despite this, the shoe lasted about a year and a half before it literally fell apart. I feel like I can't complain since I got mine for free, but still, a shoe that expensive should last longer than that. But I know to some people, they don't care. If you're one of those people, then go forth and buy you some awesome stripey shoes. I only put this here, though to display what can be a good artsy yet still chic and simple shoe. There, I'm sure, are many more out there to choose from. Also, if you're artsy, make your own. You can get a pair of white Keds for rather cheap, then use Apple Barrel acrylic paints, and they make a fabric medium for like $2 you can add to it (and you don't have to add nearly as much as they say). The paint will not come off, even after going through the wash.

I hope you found this a good shoe guide. If you have any questions or want suggestions about brands or my experiences with shoes, leave me a comment.

That is all,

The Notorious Dr. Dietrich.

OPI Skyfall collection

I'm about to talk about a very masculine topic... nail polish.

Okay, so I know nail polish is mainly thought of a a girly thing, but actually, I've been painting my nails for years now, and I get so many compliments daily. It's actually a very rare thing for someone to say something negative about my painted nails. For me, it began as a way to quit biting my nails, but it evolved into more than that, it's become part of my identity and a fun way to express myself.

At first I was nervous and only wore black nail polish because I felt it was the color most acceptable for a male to wear. Then I discovered Sally Hansen's Emerald City, a true green green, which is my favorite color in polish form, plus it involved the land of Oz, which I love. I wore it for a few years until it was discontinued. At about this same time, a friend came over and saw my polish collection which consisted of the green, black, and maybe a blue, although I don't think I'd ever worn it. She said she was surprised that that's the only colors I had; she thought I'd have many more. She was right, I am more colorful of a person. So these two things coincided and forced me to expand my polish horizons, and now I have many lovely colors, and I'm no longer ashamed that something will be too girly.

So that leads us to what is meant to be the meat of this post, and that is OPI's Skyfall collection. 2012 was the 50th anniversary of the James Bond films, and we have a new film that came out. Many companies capitalized on this, OPI being one of them. Now if you regularly paint your nails, you probably already knew all about this, and in fact, it's a little late to be talking about this since it's getting more and more difficult to find these limited edition polishes (but they're now on sale at least when you do find them). I figure if you're a man (although I know most of my followers are female, and you can enjoy this too) and you wanted to start painting your nails but were too afraid it'd be too girly, well this is for you. It's a line inspired by mother fucking James Bond! Come on!

Now many of them are glittery, but that's cool. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a glittery polish now, Live and Let Die. Glittery polishes also really get alot of compliments which in turn boosts your ego. Here they all are for you to see and buy. You can also get many great reviews all over the place online http://www.amazon.com/OPI-Skyfall-Collection-Living-Daylights/dp/B009I0LAAM/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1359784202&sr=8-3&keywords=opi+skyfall

I got three: On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Live and Let Die, and Tomorrow Never Dies. The first two are glittery, and the third is a bluish purple (purple can be masculine, y'all. It's the color of kings after all). They were my first OPI colors, which despite that I've heard good things about, I've never before paid more than $4 a bottle. Well, it's worth it. OPI is super durable. As my coworker put it, "You spend $3 on a nail polish and you have to constantly reapply and touch up and you go through it quicker. You spend $8 on a polish and it is durable so you use less of it and it lasts longer and is cheaper in the long run." Also I find that more expensive polishes generally need fewer coats. Live and Let Die is almost a 1 coater.

So now that I've convinced you to go out and buy all the skyfall collection (or what's left of it), let me just give you a couple of tips for you first timers.

1) Use a clear base coat. It will keep your nails from getting stained by the polish and even makes glitter polishes slightly easier to take off (though they're never going to be easy). I use Sally Hansens xtreme wear in invisible (it's just clear polish, y'all.)

2) before putting a second coat, lightly tap your nail you painted last. If your finger print shows, wait a little longer. Do the same of you have to do a third coat.

3) Get a really good top coat. I used to use the same as the base coat, but then I discovered Nutra Nail Speed Dry Top coat. It's really cool. It doesn't completely dry your nails in 30 seconds; I don't think anything can do that, but what it does do is it makes a super hard layer over top your nails in 30 seconds, and it's a lot more difficult to fuck them up. Also, before this, I used to do my nails before bed and then watch a movie, so they'd have like 2 hours to dry, right, and they'd feel dry. But when I woke up, all my nails would have the prints of my body hair on them. But this Nutra Nail stuff prevents that. it's really cool. I hear the Sally Hansen Insta Dry top coat also works really well, but this is what I found when I was looking for a quick dry top coat.

4) Go over the tips of your nails with your top coat. If you're a rough, this works to help slow down the chipping process.

5) carry a sharpie that is a close approximation to your nail color. When the inevitable time comes when it starts chipping, you can fill in the gaps with sharpie until you can get home and touch it up. Also, people aren't as observant as you think they are. They probably wouldn't have even noticed the chips, so the definitely wont notice the sharpie marks.

So there you go. Men, go forth and wear nail polish. You will have fun with all the colors, and you will get loads of compliments.

That is all,

The Notorious Dr. Dietrich